i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
