Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
