Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
