she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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