Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
