When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize