nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
