i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I think my moral compass just broke
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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