I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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