actually, I'm a sock model
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
