mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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