Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize