quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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