So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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