and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
