My room smells like vodka and shame
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
