it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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