took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
