just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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