Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Im part way to drunk.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
