can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
