Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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