I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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