i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
