If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
