I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
