I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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