I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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