I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
