We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
