I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
