Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
