this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You're like the curious george of whores
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
