I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
