I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
