Just cropdusted the office
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
