I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
