The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
