I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The struggles of a small town man whore
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
