How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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