someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
