how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
