Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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