Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
