How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
