i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
