how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This is the high leading the old right now
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
