i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
