On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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