I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize