Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
