the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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