you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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