Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
