This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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