So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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