wrigley field is MILF paradise
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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