OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I could fuck to npr.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
