How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just pynch a tree in the face
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Still dying that you shit outside
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
