I will die if light touches me.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
