I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
