oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
