But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
