I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize