He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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