Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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