she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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